you always feel guilty
by waltzingwonders
Summary: You tell each other that it is possible to be in love with more than one person. She loves Ron and you love Ginny but you can't help but picture your life with her, your home, your children. You dress, kiss and say goodbye and carry on walking.H/Hr.


HELLO PEOPLE I AM BACK! okay i am truely sorry i have just been so busy with exams and other boring tasks that i have not updated in forever. OKAY OKAY OKAY this is a harry and hermione fic as you know because you click on it :P hope you enjoy i wrote this on the plane home from holiday. :) :) love you all.

i dont not own harry potter , although if i did i asure you i would have kept dobby alive.

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><p>You always feel guilty, yet it doesn't stop you.<p>

You get up as usual; look over at her sleeping with her back towards you. You wash, dress, eat and smile as the kids gather round the table. You gaze at each of them. James, Albus, Lily. Even though you should be listening to their tales of dragons, quidditch practice and trips to Hogsmead, you're thinking about the guilt building up inside. Yet you still get up to leave. She's standing in the doorway in your dressing gown; you give her a kiss and smile as you go.

You wait for a while battling with your conscience, trying to convince yourself not to go there, to find her there. But you always lose and apparated.

You enter the leaky cauldron, nervous that'll you see someone, a colleague curious as to why you are out even though you sent an owl saying you were ill, A friend asking how Ginny was. Scanning, constantly looking over your shoulder. You breathe deeply before you go to make your way to the usual room. Hearing your footsteps echo and make the floorboards creak. Thinking over and over again in your head: _nobody knows we're both here. Not together. _You're there waiting, you knew you would be.

But as soon as the door opens and your eyes take in her image the guilt is gone. It's buried itself away in the darkest deepest part of your mind to worry about later. She sighs and smiles sadly at you, your emotions reflected in her eyes. You walk in and pull her towards you, you need her close by you need to touch her, hold her. You don't think about your family as she pushes off your coat or as you strip her of her blouse or as you kiss her shoulder, lips, neck. You know she feels the guilt, you know because as your skin touches and your hands cup her face you can feel her tears. You know she thinks of Ron and Rose and Hugo when you're together. Especially Ron, but you don't stop you can't stop. The two of you have tried to deny it that there is and always has been something between you.

Being in the same room was torture before, stealing moments in dark rooms or hallways after clearing away the table at family get-togethers. Sneaking off outside to kiss under the moon whilst your other half's put the children to bed, And now this.

She's in your arms and you whisper '_this is wrong' but_ you don't move. She silently lies there trailing kisses along your jawline and buries her head into the hallow below your neck. You kiss her forehead and lean against it. You tell her you love her and she tells you it will never be enough for either of you.

You tell each other that it is possible to be in love with more than one person. She loves Ron and you love Ginny but you can't help but picture your life with her, your home, your children. You dress, kiss and say goodbye and carry on walking. You try to find reasons why you can't stop, you never do.

You arrive home, on time. It's easier with the children around in the summer, when they are at school you struggle to keep the act up. You play and talk and laugh just as she would be doing with her own family. When the children are asleep you sit together, Ginny looks at you.

"How was work?" she would ask. You choose from your list of one syllable answers. 'good' 'okay' 'fine'. One day you'll know she'll find out. She'll ring the Auror department asking where you are.

You watch everything you say in case you slip up. Sometimes you want to, you want to get caught so you don't have to admit that you're getting good and clever at this.

You're in bed waiting to say goodnight when she tells you she loves you.

"I love you Harry" she says facing you. You reply "I love you too with all my heart Ginny" and you're not lying to her. At least about that, which is why it kills you when you close your eyes and think of Hermione. Her smile, her warmth, her tears. You think of her in bed with Ron, but thinking of you.

It kills you both. It would kill them both if they found out, so nobody wins. You use to think the more you cared the more you had to lose, you were right. You care to much that losing it would shatter your world. So you live on in this way of life. You're not happy about it or proud of it. But you live on. With too brief a moments and long lasting memories.

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><p>please review i miss reading them x<p> 


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